


haikyuu groupchat au

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Haikyuu - Freeform, Karasuno, M/M, Multi, Nekoma, Yamaguchi is baby, aoba johsai should’ve won and went to nationals, boku no pico isn’t that bad, chaotic groupchat, drink your milk, ennoshita narita and kinoshita aren’t here, grouochat au, groupchat, groupchat nicknames, iMessage games, ill add more members later, im gonna say this once and only once, imessages, is yamamoto x tanaka a thing, i’ll add more character later, kenma hates nekoma, kuroo’s words not mine, literally everyone but yamamoto and tanaka are gay, messages, oikawa is flat af but he needs more love, over the phone, some of the shit that happens is real or from my groupchat, still in high school, theres zero plot in this, they talk about boku no pico, they talk about sex between characters, tsukishima is a salty boy, wtf are these tags, yaku wants to body slam lev down the stairs for picking him up, yamaguchi is my favorite character and you can tell, yamaguchi needs a chill pill, you should’ve come to shiratorizawa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Momma Suga adds the Karasuno boys to a groupchat and realizes that was the worst idea to have ever thought of....Aka all the Haikyuu boys end up getting added and they just want their boyfriends attention and to play volleyball.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Lev Haiba x Yaku Morisuke, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 94





	1. tanaka is the minority

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my wattpad drafts and quarantine gotta be hella bored.  
> IG: sockmilq  
> ^ i need friends and people to help me with this because i have zero motivation

—Karasuno—

(2:38a.m.)

Koshi Sugawara has added Daichi Suwamura, Asahi Azumane, Yuu Nishinoya, and 6 others to Karasuno.

Ryunosuke Tanaka: :0

Shoyo Hinata: :00

Yuu Nishinoya: :000000

Tadashi Yamaguchi: :000

Tadashi Yamaguchi: I have been waiting for this day.

Tadashi Yamaguchi has changed Tadashi Yamaguchi's name to guccigangguccigang.

Tobio Kageyama: What is this?

Daichi Suwamura: A groupchat for the team.

Koshi Sugawara: minus Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita.

Kei Tsukishima: Since they aren't here does that mean I can leave?

guccigangguccigang: no

guccigangguccigang has changed Kei Tsukishima's name to Tsuki

Tsuki: This was a bad idea.

guccigangguccigang has changed Koshi Sugawara's name to Momma Suga.

guccigangguccigang has changed Daichi Suwamura's name to Daddy.

Momma Suga: I am beginning to see this.

Tobio Kageyama: I would like to leave as well.

Shoyo Hinata: no

Tobio Kageyama: yes

Shoyo Hinata: if you stay i'll do that thing you wanted.

Tobio Kageyama:

Tobio Kageyama: Okay.

Yuu Nishinoya: oh?

Tobio Kageyama: nothing

guccigangguccigang: Kageyama wanted Hinata to call him king in bed but he refused.

Daddy: oh

Tobio Kageyama: Yamaguchi. I'll make Hinata spike a ball at your genitals.

Momma Suga: don't hurt my baby crow.

guccigangguccigang: it's cool he just mad cuz mah schlong is bigger.

Tsuki: Atleast he gets action

guccigangguccigang:

Daddy: Weren't you two at it in the club room yesterday?

Yuu Nishinoya: nahh that was me.

Ryunosuke Tanaka: what. you got to Kiyoko first? man 😔👊

Asahi Azumane: you didn't tell him.

Yuu Nishinoya: i thought he knew

Ryunosuke Tanaka: tell me what?

Momma Suga: Is it the same thing I'm thinking of?

Daddy: Pretty sure. 

Shoyo Hinata: it isn't that surprising

guccigangguccigang: I only know because Asahi left his underwear in the club room.

Tsuki: Nishinoya isn't quiet

Ryunosuke Tanaka: i'm so confused

Hitoka Yachi: Nishinoya and Asahi are together

Kiyoko Shimizu: I like women.

Kiyoko Shimizu: preferably small, blonde girls names Yachi.

Yuu Nishinoya: :0

Yuu Nishinoya: that is news to me.

Daddy: me as well.

Ryunosuke Tanaka: are we just gonna ignore the fact that everyone but I knew my best friend is gay.

Tsuki: yes. Yachi came to Yams about liking Hiyoko. so the both of us knew.

guccigangguccigang: mhm we're besties.

Hitoka Yachi: 🥰

Hitoka Yachi: i want a cool name

guccigangguccigang: bet

Hitoka Yachi: b e t

guccigangguccigang has changed Hitoka Yachi's name to yacoochie.

guccigangguccigang has changed Kiyoko Shimiku's name to ilikeyacoochie.

yacoochie: thank you very much

ilikeyacoocie: lesbian approved

guccigangguccigang: your welcome

Momma Suga: I'm starting to see why the other three didn't want another groupchat.

Yuu Nishinoya: after last year I'm surprised you two even made another one.

Shoyo Hinata: what happened to the last one?

Daddy: a lot

Asahi Azumane: It was scary

Ryunosuke Tanaka: indeed it was.

Tobio Kageyama: This one seems to be heading in the same direction.

Tsuki: ^^

guccigangguccigang: hinata and kageyama's hair are Karasuno's colors. just saying.

Shoyo Hinata: it was meant to be

Tobio Kageyama: I wish it wasn't.

Shoyo Hinata: ('༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ')

guccigangguccigang: also has anyone noticed how everyone in karasuno is gay.

Yuu Nishinoya: except Tanaka

Ryunosuke Tanaka: you right you right.

Shoyo Hinata: wait-

Shoyo Hinata has added Keishin Ukai and Ittetsu Takeda to Karasuno.

Shoyo Hinata: coach, are you gay.

Momma Suga: that's a bit personal

Keishi Ukai: lmao yes

Keishi Ukai: only 4 Ittetsu tho

Ittetsu Takeda: He's been drinking. Ignore him

Daddy: on a school night?

Keishin Ukai: lmao i drink during school.

guccigangguccigang has changed Keishin Ukai's name to Grandpa.

guccigangguccigang has changed Ittetsu Takeda's name to Grandma.

Yuu Nishinoya has changed the chat name to we're all gay.

—we're all gay—

(3:22 a.m.)

guccigangguccigang: Tanaka is the minority

Ryunosuke Tanaka: 😔👊

guccigangguccigang has changed Tobio Kageyama's name to drinkyourmilk.

guccigangguccigang has changed Shoyo Hinata's name to milk.

milk: i mean your not wrong.

drinkyourmilk: I'm just concerned for him @ Tsuki is he okay?

Tsuki: He's with Yachi right now.

yacoochie: he's good

[yacoochie has sent an image](https://weheartit.com/entry/223177670)

drinkyourmilk: Why are you at mcdonald's at three in the morning?

guccigangguccigang: why not?

Yuu Nishinoya: fair point

yacoochie: he asked my mom take us to mcdonald's.

guccigangguccigang: she loves me 🥰

yacoochie: more than she loves me

ilikeyachoochie: its okay Hitoka, i love you.

Yuu Nishinoya: that's gay

Asahi Azumane: very gay

guccigangguccigang has changed Yuu Nishinoya's name to dahbestlibero.

dahbestlibero: really 🥺🥺

guccigangguccigang: yes 🥺

Momma Suga: Don't feed his ego, Yams.

Asahi Azumane: he's just crying now

milk: i can confirm this.

Asahi Azumane: what how?

milk: snap streaks. he keeps almost losing them. we have like two hundred.

guccigangguccigang has changed Asahi Azumane's name to thebigfriendlygiant.

thebigfriendlygiant: i love that movie

Momma Suga: It's great.

Daddy: he cries at the part with the other giants

Momma Suga: he didn't deserve it. Imma fight them all. :(

Ryunosuke Tanaka: do i get a name yams?

guccigangguccigang: give me a second.

guccigangguccigang has changed Ryunosuke Tanaka's name to meatgod.

meatgod: that is very much adequate

guccigangguccigang: the adequatest

Tsuki: That's not a word, hun.

Momma Suga: awwe

guccigangguccigang: it is now

milk: the amount of tsukiyama here is making me miss tobio.

drinkyourmilk: i saw you at practice earlier

dahbestlibero: tokyo ghoul?

milk: no tsukiyama. tsukishima and yamaguchi's ship name.

dahbestlibero: ohhh

dahbestlibero: do me and asahi have one?

milk: yes. asanoya.

thebigfriendlygiant: aw

milk: then tobio and mine is kagehina. then mom and dad is daisuga.

Momma Suga: die suga?

Momma Suga: daichi is the one that died.

ilikeyacoochie: nice kill tanaka!

meatgod: what no. i just got over that. i felt so bad.

Daddy: .. I'm right here.

dahbestlibero: ghost dad

milk: rest in peace. daichi suwamura.

Momma Suga: we didn't even get married :((

Daddy: I'm literally right here.

Daddy: now he's dramatically crying.

thebigfriendlygiant: poor suga


	2. boku no pico wasn’t that bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma, Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi, Lev, and Yaku make an entrance.  
> ...  
> Aka Suga isn’t happy Bokuto and Kuroo are corrupting his children

— we're all gay —

(4:20 pm)

milk: yo yo

milk: can i add some one?

Daddy: I suppose. The groupchat isn't being used for it's intended purpose anyways

milk: cool cool

milk has added Kenma Kozume to we're all gay.

Kemna Kozume: uh hello?

milk: hi kenmaaa. it's shoyo hinata, from karasuno.

Kenma Kozume: mhm.. why's your name milk?

drinkyourmilk: me.

milk: kageyama.

Kenma Kozume: the angry looking one?

milk: yeah, number 9

Daddy: Hi Kozume.

Momma Suga: Hello!

Kenma Kozume: is that number 1 and 2?

Momma Suga: yup.

Kenma Kozume: uh huh..

Kenma Kozume: any one wanna play imessage games?

guccigangguccigang: cup pong?

Kenma Kozume: sure. uh yamaguchi?

guccigangguccigang: yeah

guccigangguccigang has sent a game invite. Lets play cup pong! Waiting for opponents.

Kemna Kozume: prepare to lose.

— we're all gay —

(4:54 pm)

guccigangguccigang: You have lost!

guccigangguccigang: 😔👊

guccigangguccigang has changed Kenma Kozume's name to cupponggod.

cupponggod: thank you very much.

guccigangguccigang: yeah 😔

Tsuki: What have I missed?

Daddy: an aggressive game of cup pong.

Momma Suga: a lot

milk: yamaguchi vs kenma.

Tsuki: Yams lost?

guccigangguccigang: yes.

Tsuki: That is unfortunate

cupponggod: he was very close though

Tsuki: Isn't this kid from Nekoma?

cupponggod: sadly

milk: wdym sadly? Nekoma is great

cupponggod: hm i beg to differ.

cupponggod: the members are insufferable.

cupponggod: lev and yaku fight all the time because lev picks him up. kuroo cries when ever bokuto comes to visit the school or do a practice match because he "misses his bro" and "doesn't want him to leave". he's a questionable captain. don't even get me started on yamamoto.

milk: oh. aren't you and kuroo dating though.

cupponggod: possibly

milk has added Tetsuro Kuroo to we're all gay.

milk: welcome to gay.

Tetsuro Kuroo: a group chat?

Tsuki: yes.

Tetsuro Kuroo: hiiii you salty bitch.

Momma Suga: Language

Tetsuro Kuroo: I apologize, Ms Suga.

Daddy: Suga is a boy.

Tetsuro Kuroo: shit sorry dude.

Tetsuro Kuroo: am i allowed to add sum one though.

Daddy: Go ahead.

Tetsuro Kuroo has added Koutarou Bokuto to we're all gay.

Koutarou Bokuto: broooo

Tetsuro Kuroo: bro

guccigangguccigang has changed Koutarou Bokuto's name to Bokutopico.

Bokutopico: not boku no pico.

guccigangguccigang: i saw the opportunity and took it.

Tetsuro Kuroo: lmao boku no pico wasn't even that bad.

cupponggod: wtf is boku no pico?

Tetsuro Kuroo: nothing kitty.

Bokutopico: www.yaoimangaonline. com/bokunopico

Momma Suga: Are you trying to corrupt my children?

Tsuki: Your "children" are already corrupt

guccigangguccigang: lmao @ Tsuki what if. what if we recreated boku no pico's first episodes. ahaha jk jk

guccigangguccigang: unless??

Bokutopico: r i p my man.

Tetsuro Kuroo: get it yamaguchi!!

yacoochie: yoooooo @ guccigangguc

cigang could i film your porno 👉👈

guccigangguccigang: @ yacoochie you could like,, join. no homo tho 😳

yacoochie: yeah yeah no homo 😳😳

yacoochie: (jk jk big homo luv you yams)

guccigangguccigang: ( luv ya too yachi)

Tsuki: ... I feel as if I've walked in on something.

Momma Suga: me too.

thebigfriendlygiant: I need to re-read the bible.

dahbestlibero: lmaoooooooo

[dahbestlibero has sent an image](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcS2AFx3iiuOv1w8EGvN7Yl2vsy8KAqFAxS9koqt5eNI7g&usqp=CAU&ec=45673586)

dahbestlibero: Asahi is jesus. he can bless your kinky asses

Momma Suga: Language

thebigfriendlygiant: where did you get this??

dahbestlibero: i'm a photoshop god

dahbestlibero has changed thenigfriendlygiant's name to jesuswithamanbunn

guccigangguccigang: i support this name.

jususwithamanbun: i feel like this is offensive to christians

dahbestlibero: uh why if you were jesus i'd be on my knees every night.

jesuswithamanbun:

Daddy:

Momma Suga:

Bokutopico:

Tetsuro Kuroo:

dahbestlibero: TO PRAY OHHGHH JY GOD BOT TO SUCK DICKK

meatgod: you sure about that man.

dahbestlibero: yesshh 😭😭

jesuswithamanbun: Are you alluding you the fact that you would not like to give me a blowjob?

dahbestlibero:

dahbestlibero: no

Grandpa: I feel as if this is too much information for me to know.

Grandma: I do as well.

— we're all gay —

(5:48pm)

cupponggod: i have watched 'boku no pico' and i am revolted and would no longer like to eat ice cream.

cupponggod: or go to the beach

cuppinggod: or sit in the car

Tetsuro Kuroo: this is what you have been doing all this time?

cupponggod: yes

Bokutopico: r i p

cupponggod: rip indeed.

Tetsuro Kuroo has added Morisuke Yaku, Keiji Akaashi, and Lev Haiba to we're all gay.

Keiji Akaashi: what the hell?

Morisuke Yaku: Why is lev here

Lev Haiba: are you still mad at me?

Morisuke Yaku: hm can you hear that cuz I can't.

Lev Haiba: I am hurt. Yaku.

cupponggod: what happened?

Lev Haiba: He does not want to talk about it.

Morisuke Yaku: lev is an ass hole.

Momma Suga: Am I a fucking joke to you.

guccigangguccigang: yes

milk: hello new comers.

Morisuke Yaku has changed Morisuke Yaku's name to Yaoi.

Yaoi: sorry suga. i just hate this tall russian kid at the moment.

Bokutopico: Yaoi?

guccigangguccigang: that's gay

yacoochie: very gay.

Yaoi: yaoi?

Lev Haiba: your name sweet heart. 

Yaoi: ...

Yaoi: FUCK ITS SUPPOSE TO BE YAKU. IT AUTO CORRECTED

Bokutopico: how often do you look up yaoi.

Yaoi has changed Yaoi's name to Yaku.

guccigangguccigang has changed Yaku's name to Yaoi.

guccigangguccigang: yaoi stays

Yaoi: I don't watch hentai.

Lev Haiba: @ cupponggod

cupponggod: i didn't want to watch boku no pico on my phone. i borrowed yaku's

cupponggod: if i get a virus on my phone i'll lose all my pokémon and animal crossing new horizons data.

Yaoi: you watched porn on my phone?

cupponggod: Kuroo told me to

Tetsuro Kuroo: I did not.

Yaoi: when i see you, your getting beat with my chancla.

milk: chancla?

Tsuki: It's Spanish for 'sandle' I believe.

milk: ohhh

guccigangguccigang: Tsuki is so smart.

Bokutopico: that's who that is?

Bokutopico: HIYA YOU FLOPPY FRENCHED FRY

Tetsuro Kuroo: floppy?

Tsuki: frenched?

Keiji Akaashi: It's french fry, Kou.

Bokutopico: oh whale

**Author's Note:**

> I’m new to ao3 and the bolding of letters is being big dumb as well as adding photos so please ignore that till I figure out how it works.


End file.
